Everything is all right: Too busy having fun... getting my life organized.

This week has had it's strange moments but overall I feel like I am starting to get better at things.

Today I went to go see a dietitian to try and actually start the road to being healthy. I decided to be as honest as I possibly could. In doing so, the lovely lady who looked after me today didn't make me feel like I was doing as horribly as I thought. She recognized that I was indeed making an effort, and reminded me that you have to take small steps towards these goals, as trying to do everything at once easily leads to everything falling down.

Nursing?

I was told by my boss a little while ago that nurses need to be able to do 3 things.

1. Be compassionate

2. Be caring

3. Be able to look after oneself

She then followed up by saying that I was good with points 1 and 2 and that 3, I had to judge for myself.

I don't think I look after myself very well. This is partly the reason why I finally got myself an appointment to see someone to follow up about losing weight. The problem is, and the dietitian agreed, I know what I need to do, it is actually get around to it that is the issue.

If I will be honest here, the issues to do with weight gain started when I was about 13. I remember this because my mother, who had been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes around that time, was telling me that I had to get better at this. She warned me of some of the issues that being overweight could bring socially as well and in fact, some of the issues she mentioned had already started happening at school. So we went to a gym to go sign up and they were very confused that someone my age wanted to join but in my mind, the decision was also to support my mother. Of course, they had to review their rules and put in a policy that said minimum age was 14 year old to join. This, like many other things I have tried to do, did not work for very long.

Problem is that I have been trying to do everything at once. I have recently noticed that I do it for nearly everything. I always tell people that it'll be fine, that these things take time but then what I do is expect myself to get it perfect first try and do it all. My mother does this all the time. When I was studying she would set herself goals that starting tomorrow she will: quit smoking, follow her diet, go do a huge gym session, cook all the meals for the house, paint the inside of one of the bedrooms, do at least 2 hours worth of gardening, plus try and make sure that her daughter was studying. Anytime one of these things would fall, the rest would fall. It would start off with small cracks but as soon as she would light up a smoke my Dad and I knew that it would get worse before it got better. I am fearful that I do the other thing my mother does when this happens, become very controlling. When things aren't working, she takes hold of one of these goals and puts all her energy into making it work now. Usually, this would land back on the family and cause upset on us. I really hope I don't do that to people and if I do, I'm sorry.

This isn't a blame to my mother, more of a trait that both share. It has it's advantages just as much as it has it's flaws. It's flaws however, certainly did not help during my adolescence when I was already full of angst. There is no real blame in how I am the way I am. In the end my body is mine and I have the ability to change it.

What video game are you playing?

I started playing Life is Strange!

I am really enjoying it. It is a "cinematic game", a story told though the actions of the player with different consequences that are following though the entire game as I play it. Just like real life!

I find the decision making for the story telling very compelling. A lot of the time you have decisions that are based over how much of a dick you want to be to people but some of them, the ones that truly effect the story, have you in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. There is one particular scene that sticks in my mind where you have to answer to the principal (and maybe even the police if you had a slightly different story) about an incident where you have to chose who you taddle on.

I do really enjoy the art style, I will admit that the character models were a bit uncanny valley at first but I have really started to warm to them. Or maybe I have warmed to the characters? Hard to tell. I have found that a lot of what I like about it is the lighting.